Bitterness: Unplanned Personal Poison

All of us have defining moments in life. God cares what we do in these times. Remember, trouble or uncertainty is always an invitation to pray, and learn more about oneself, others, and God. These issues are not desirable or sought after.

First, let's define bitterness. It is rigid, unhealthy thinking or clinging to an event or series of events. It affects emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental health and can impact your enjoyment of life. When you allow bitterness to take root in your heart and thinking (knowingly or unknowingly), a tainted influence emerges. Your view becomes slanted. This posture can yield a poisonous, stagnated outcome in your life. Beware!!!

Don't Take the Poison!

It is good to utilize Psalm 46:1 KJV in these instances. God promises that He is your refuge and strength. He is a very present help in troubling, uncertain, or challenging times. What circumstances (root causes) can release unwanted poisonous situations in life?

The following three points will highlight how these emotions can enter one's life. The choices we make

and the support that we seek when confronted with these issues determines the mental, physical, and social effects we experience:

• Abandonment

• Disappointments and

• Death

  
  

Abandonment occurs when you anticipate separation from a person. Separation can be from a parent, friend, spouse, child, or significant other. The abandoned person often is in a quandary about why they do not see the individual and what happened, even if the separation time is short. Children may feel separation anxiety when they are left with a sitter.

In cases where babies are put up for adoption, they may never know their birth families. As children grow, they may be verbally inquisitive about "why" they do not see their guardian. Specific answers about "why" can be elusive. This point is true in every instance where emotions get derailed in relationships or individuals duck their responsibilities.

Abandonment can leave a bitter taste in your psyche. There are continual "what ifs" and speculations floating inwardly. Responses to the questions are not available. Abandonment feelings do not automatically cease when the separation interval is short. Free-flowing anxiety can yield an unhealthy physical outcome if coping skills are not developed. Please watch Bing Videos (with Dr. Ramani Durvasula).

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Disappointments are inescapable in life. How we face them is a defining moment in our lives.

Disappointments occur when something expected is not fulfilled as we desired and there is a

perceived gap. There can be a misunderstanding.

Disappointments can stem from several reasons: loss of a job, failure to obtain a job after

an interview, not receiving a promotion, a low test score, rejection or betrayal from a family member, friend, or date, self-depreciation as a parent if your child underperforms your expectations, etc. Disappointments can feel very personal because an implied agreement or hope was breached. Broaching a discussion with another or entering a situation does not automatically mean the answer is affirmative. Yet, waving a magic wand does not make the frustration disappear. People must

learn how and when to recalibrate their emotions and positions to navigate successfully. Review

the source of disappointment. Do not deny the disappointing event. Talk it through. Recalibration

is significant. Why? Our bodies and our brains retain negative feelings and thoughts. It's important

to bring closure. Dealing with Disappointment (hbr.org).

The points below can assist one in working through disappointment(s):

• Acknowledge and process your feelings

• Avoid dwelling on your disappointment for too long

• Be kind to yourself

• Broaden your perspective

• Challenge negative thought patterns

• Do not allow any roots of bitterness to fester -

• Engage with your support network

• Give up grudges

• Meet with a therapist to build coping skills

• Resolve the components of disappointing news when possible

• Take time to reflect on your contribution to the scenario

  
  

Hebrews 12:15 KJV reminds us to be diligent; "so that we do not fail of the grace of God nor have

any root of bitterness troubling us". Thereby, many are defiled. Roots are hard stumps to move. Let us consider "how" we perceive events.

Secondly, Joel 2: 25 AMP encourages us that "God restores and compensates us for the years that the swarming locust ate, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust"- His

great army which God sent. This means that disappointments will occur; yet God does restore and compensate us as we navigate disappointing situations. When disappointing news happens, we can feel downtrodden. Also, Psalm 34:18 advises us, "God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those with contrite spirits". Stay near God for the fulfillment of this promise.

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Lastly, death is always unexpected although the diagnoses can point to an undeniable outcome.

Death creeps into our lives whether the person is old, young, sick, injured, or infirm. Death steals away our loved ones, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and associates. We don't have any recourse. We can't protest and change the outcome!! We can't cling onto the dead bodies forever! Tears pour out of our eyes. Kleenex does not reach our hearts nor do tears erase the chilling fact that the person is gone.

Death clamors as it rings the bells that time has elapsed for the person or persons. We are left with memories. We desire life to be the way it was. We tell each other that time heals all wounds. We realize that this cliche is meaningless for addressing the pains inside of our hearts. Yet, we say it again and again. Didn't we learn from the last time we shared this refrain?

Death is a robber. It's hard to agree that death is a part of living when the feeling inside is so profoundly hurting. The person left alone vehemently disagrees! Comforting words are appropriate per societal protocols. Yet, words are so inadequate inside the mind and heart of the person dealing with the reality of the situation. It is challenging for parents to explain where the other parent is. It is difficult for the sole person left to make ends meet on one salary. It is hard for a young child to conceptualize death and the separation it brings.

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross outlined 5 Stages of Grieving (How the Five Stages of Grief Can Help Process a Loss (verywellmind.com):

• Denial

• Anger

• Bargaining

• Depression and finally

• Acceptance

  
  

Remember Psalm 147:3 KJV: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds". We may feel abandoned, but we are NEVER alone! It's important to continue - even with pain in our hearts. God assigned and ordained our days, when we were formed in the lower parts of the earth, Psalm 139:15 NIV. God wants us to attain our destinies. The Apostle Paul told us to "forget those things which are behind and to press forward to what is ahead." It isn't easy to forget. This is the precise moment that bitterness can enter our hearts and minds. When we allow it to fester, poisonous or depressive ideas grow and trouble us in our sleep, health, relationships, etc. Stay on guard.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a well-known verse that can help us avoid the trap of bitterness. It states that God "knows the thoughts and plans He has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us. His plans give

us hope and a future." Remain steadfast when facing complex and unwanted circumstances.

Bitterness exacts a high toll. Let us circumvent it!

Calls to Action:

• Assess any abandonment, disappointments, or death experiences of family or friends.

  Are you harboring unproductive feelings?

• If yes, explore ways to release unneeded feelings before adverse effects emerge.

• Seek counseling with a pastor or professional counselor if your feelings are overwhelming.

• Purchase "Fully Persuaded Faith" at http://www.marilynnjames.com.  Read the "Prayer Jewels" for support when facing life's circumstances.